jc life would be memorable. the year i had spent last year was one of the most eventful year of my life.
betrayal, trust, love, hope, tension, stress, hatred, friendships, challenges, failures.
All these i experience them last year, whether it make me what i am now or who i am today, i honestly don't know. maybe i have always been like that, i am just living under false pretences. Or maybe. i am living in self denial, unable to understand who i really am. I am tired you could say. Jc life made me exhausted, not of life, but of people. people around you, you never know who is real who i fake, who betrayed you who protected you, who standby you who leave you. all these are done behinf our backs. Do we know we we can trust? After last year i learn to trust myself and only me, is it good? don't know. Secrets i hold. things i know that are not supposed to be said. that is a heavy burden. when can i escape from it all? when can i ever speak my mind? being the middle person is always a tiring job. ignorance is bliss. sometimes i really wished i could go back to my sec school days. when people refused to tell me anything. I guess thats what makes people pour their hearts out. When you don't pressure them they tell you everything. i did given anything to be what i am now today. large circle of friends. helping people like it is my daily job. having people trust me like it is the most natural thing to do. However now that i am here, i realise my childishness, how naive i am. being the secret keeper. the one who knew all isn't that great. you know what will happen eventually. you know all the hatred that is not shown openly. you will know what will happen even before it even show signs. trying to prevent it if things get out of hand. thats how i lived last year, i dun want this anymore, but will i be able to break it off?
friend @ [Anne]
